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As the neverending hellscape that was 2020 bleeds over into the New Year, it can feel like this coronavirus lark has been going on forever.
It’s a dire situation, but as they say: laughter is the best medicine.
That’s never been truer than now, so to help get your through whatever lockdown restrictions you may be living under, here are 30 quarantine jokes that ARE safe to spread to as many people as possible!
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30 of the best lockdown jokes to keep you smiling through the winter:
Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9!
So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic!
I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it!
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me!”
Did you hear the joke about coronavirus? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around!
My mum always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now! I’m saving the world!
Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch!
What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze!
What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!
Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story…
Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on!
I’m not talking to myself, I’m having a parent-teacher conference!
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there!
What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand!
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake!
Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient!
You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly!
The World Health Organisation announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out”
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge!
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other!
Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with Covid-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen!
Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head!
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough!
If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens!
